<\/a>What it means<\/h2>\n\n\t\t\tPart of what it means to me to identify as bi is this:\n\t\t<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\tIf one day I feel attraction to a woman, I don’t have to think “Does this mean I’m gay?!”, or “If this carried on would it mean I was a Lesbian?!”\n\t\t<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\tIf one day I feel attraction to a man, I don’t have to think “Does this mean I’m not<\/em> gay after all?!” or “If this carries on, at what point do I lose the right to call myself Lesbian?!”\n\t\t<\/p>\n\n\t\t\tIf one day I feel attraction to someone who identifies as neither binary gender, I don’t have to think “What does this<\/em> mean about me?!” (or indeed “Where does this person fit in my model?”)\n\t\t<\/p>\n\n\t\t\tNone of that noise exists in my life. As far as gender-linked sexuality is concerned, there isn’t some territory over here where I’m officially supposed to walk, and some territory over there where I’m not supposed to walk. It’s all one whole, and I already live there.\n\t\t<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\tThis feels peaceful to me.\n\t\t<\/p>\n
<\/a>Questions<\/h2>\n\n\t\t\tOf course new lovely people in my life still bring questions. “What flavour of attraction am I feeling?” “Would it be ethical to express that feeling with this person?” “How might this unfold, along this or that path?” “What kind of connection would fit into my life at the moment and be good for all concerned?”\n\t\t<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\tBut those questions aren’t going to change my identity as queer & bi. If the answers rock my world, it won’t be on that dimension. <\/p>\n
<\/a>Paradox<\/h2>\n\n\t\t\tThis being my experience, I find it paradoxical\/ironic that so much rhetoric around bisexuality – including the origin of the name itself – is of division and\/or movement.\n\t\t<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\tFor instance, here are some slang terms for bisexuality which express through metaphor the idea of (a) two states, and (b) switching between them:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n
\n\n- \n
\n\t\t\t\t\t\tswitch-hitter\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/li>\n
- \n
\n\t\t\t\t\t\tambidextrous\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/li>\n
- \n
\n\t\t\t\t\t\tAC\/DC\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/li>\n
- \n
\n\t\t\t\t\t\tswinging both ways.1<\/a><\/b><\/sup>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n\n\t\t\tThere’s also the idea that we’re on our way to coming out “properly” – that is, as gay<\/em> – a movement with one approved destination.\n\t\t<\/p>\n\n\t\t\tSome words are more usually attributed to us by others rather than ourselves: for instance “unstable”, “unreliable” (both with connotations of undesired change or movement) and “confused” (implying that things have been mixed up which ought to have remained separate).\n\t\t<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\tOn the other hand, from bi people feeling good about themselves, you might well hear the words “fluid” or “both”. That is, movement (or at least the potential for it), and division (albeit added together again).\n\t\t<\/p>\n
<\/a>My landscape<\/h2>\n\n\t\t\tWell. I’m not saying those aren’t valid metaphors, for the people who are using them. But my landscape is different.\n\t\t<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\tIn this aspect of my life, I don’t feel fluid<\/em>. I feel stable<\/strong>. I feel settled. I arrived already<\/strong>. I’m not going anywhere.\n\t\t<\/p>\n\n\t\t\tI don’t feel divided<\/em> such as to require being added together with a “both”; I feel profoundly integrated<\/strong>. All of me is allowed in. “There is no fence.”2<\/a><\/b><\/sup>\n\t\t<\/p>\n\n\t\t\tAs for the legendary “confusion”… not, shall we say, a phenomenon particularly characteristic of me :-)\n\t\t<\/p>\n
\n\t\t\tIf one day I feel attraction to someone who identifies as neither binary gender, I don’t have to think “What does this<\/em> mean about me?!” (or indeed “Where does this person fit in my model?”)\n\t\t<\/p>\n \n\t\t\tNone of that noise exists in my life. As far as gender-linked sexuality is concerned, there isn’t some territory over here where I’m officially supposed to walk, and some territory over there where I’m not supposed to walk. It’s all one whole, and I already live there.\n\t\t<\/p>\n \n\t\t\tThis feels peaceful to me.\n\t\t<\/p>\n \n\t\t\tOf course new lovely people in my life still bring questions. “What flavour of attraction am I feeling?” “Would it be ethical to express that feeling with this person?” “How might this unfold, along this or that path?” “What kind of connection would fit into my life at the moment and be good for all concerned?”\n\t\t<\/p>\n \n\t\t\tBut those questions aren’t going to change my identity as queer & bi. If the answers rock my world, it won’t be on that dimension. <\/p>\n \n\t\t\tThis being my experience, I find it paradoxical\/ironic that so much rhetoric around bisexuality – including the origin of the name itself – is of division and\/or movement.\n\t\t<\/p>\n \n\t\t\tFor instance, here are some slang terms for bisexuality which express through metaphor the idea of (a) two states, and (b) switching between them:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t\tswitch-hitter\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/li>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t\tambidextrous\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/li>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t\tAC\/DC\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/li>\n \n\t\t\t\t\t\tswinging both ways.1<\/a><\/b><\/sup>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/div>\n \n\t\t\tThere’s also the idea that we’re on our way to coming out “properly” – that is, as gay<\/em> – a movement with one approved destination.\n\t\t<\/p>\n \n\t\t\tSome words are more usually attributed to us by others rather than ourselves: for instance “unstable”, “unreliable” (both with connotations of undesired change or movement) and “confused” (implying that things have been mixed up which ought to have remained separate).\n\t\t<\/p>\n \n\t\t\tOn the other hand, from bi people feeling good about themselves, you might well hear the words “fluid” or “both”. That is, movement (or at least the potential for it), and division (albeit added together again).\n\t\t<\/p>\n \n\t\t\tWell. I’m not saying those aren’t valid metaphors, for the people who are using them. But my landscape is different.\n\t\t<\/p>\n \n\t\t\tIn this aspect of my life, I don’t feel fluid<\/em>. I feel stable<\/strong>. I feel settled. I arrived already<\/strong>. I’m not going anywhere.\n\t\t<\/p>\n \n\t\t\tI don’t feel divided<\/em> such as to require being added together with a “both”; I feel profoundly integrated<\/strong>. All of me is allowed in. “There is no fence.”2<\/a><\/b><\/sup>\n\t\t<\/p>\n \n\t\t\tAs for the legendary “confusion”… not, shall we say, a phenomenon particularly characteristic of me :-)\n\t\t<\/p>\n<\/a>Questions<\/h2>\n
<\/a>Paradox<\/h2>\n
\n
<\/a>My landscape<\/h2>\n
![\"The](\"https:\/\/www.uncharted-worlds.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2011\/09\/IntegratedStablePeaceful.png\")
<\/a><\/p>\n