This page describes a workshop invented for BiCon 2005. It ran on the final morning. It was actually billed in the programme as "Re-entry", but someone made a rude joke about the name, so I thought I might invent a new one before it
I hadn't made detailed notes for how to start the session, and don't really remember exactly what I did/said at that point, except that I included my normal kind of overview of the way the questions would run. See General musings on my principles of running workshops.
If I recall correctly, we didn't have a "first go-round", but just skipped ahead to getting into groups of two or three. By this stage of BiCon, most people would have encountered at least some of the others in the room, or at least have some idea of who they were. Someone (possibly me) suggested that people might like to accost other people that they'd seen around during BiCon but not had a chance to chat to yet.
The groups broke up and reformed part way through to give people more chance to mingle - I think someone had requested that, and it definitely worked well. A few people came in late and joined in with wherever we were at when they arrived.
There was nothing special about the format: I basically just read out the text as shown below, fairly slowly to allow people to ponder it as I went along. The labels shown like this weren't for reading out, they were for me to keep an overview of the structure.
I had prepared 13 questions, and allowed 1 minute each per question for each person to speak, giving
[Design-related asides are shown like this.]
Different BiCons
Different people will have had very different kinds of BiCon. You can have a more socialising kind of BiCon, or a more activist one, or a more emotionally introspective self-questioning one, or a mix. And you can have a more chilled-out slow-paced BiCon with lots of café time and chats, or quite a nonstop intense one, or a mix. Take a moment to reflect on how this BiCon's been for you in general.
Different home situations
Different people are going back to very different kinds of home situation, with different levels of connection to the bi community. Some of us live with other bi people or near a happening bi community, some might be the only bi person in town for all they know. Some of us are out to the people we live with, some aren't, some of us live alone. Some people have a private phone line, some have easy access to the net, some don't. You might already be planning to make changes, but what sort of situation have you come here from?
Keeping in touch: people/communities
This one is about keeping in touch.
There might be specific people you'd like to keep in touch with whom you've met or talked to at this BiCon. You might also be thinking that you want to keep in touch with the community in general over the next year, and have plans to join a local group or an internet community, or make the effort to travel to bi events such as BiFest or next year's BiCon. What would you like to build in or plan, to keep in touch with particular people or the bi community in general?
Keeping in touch: ideas/flavours: what
This one's also about keeping in touch, but in a different way.
There might have been moments during this BiCon where you heard an idea that moved you, or you got in touch with yourself in a new way, or there was some kind of experience or flavour that you want more of in your life. Is there anything under that heading for you, which you're resolving to have more of in your life in some way? We'll talk more in a moment about how to get it, but this is about identifying the flavour.
[this question needs an additional bit like: "or if there's nothing like that, talk about X"]
Keeping in touch: ideas/flavours: how
Thinking about anything you identified there that you're resolving to have more of in your life: what do you already know about how to get it? How might you be able to build that in, or where might you go exploring for it? Or are you just like "I have no idea yet how I'm gonna make that happen"?
Opportunity to move groups, "with no disrespect implied to the people that you're with"
Coming out: background spiel
Sometimes being at BiCon leads to people feeling more celebratory about their bi identity, and a knock-on effect of that can be that you start thinking about coming out to people. Even if you're not bi, this can still arise with other aspects of your life that BiCon has affirmed in some way.
Coming out isn't a once and for all thing, and you could also include here going to a greater level of honesty and revelation with someone who does know to some level. (For instance there might be someone who "theoretically knows" that you're bi but you've never really talked about it.)
[Up until this section, things had been grooving along quite nicely, but here we hit a bump. What I hadn't thought of, and what was pointed out to me after I read the above question, was that some people might feel they had done enough "Official Coming Out". The phrase "going back in" was used (with some humour) - meaning, not hiding, but having an identity (such as bi) move more to a place of being taken for granted.
In retrospect, the first question here should have acknowledged that. It might have been more like "what is the current state of play" both with respect to bisexuality and w.r.t. other identities. E.g. "on the whole in your life, who are you out to about what and where are you at with the whole coming-out thing".
I also thought later that it might be good to include here a question about methods & experiences of coming out, whereby people would get a chance to mull over their history of doing that.]
Coming out: to whom?
If you did want to come out to someone new, or take a particular relationship to a new level of honesty, who would it be and what's the significance of that person in your life? We'll have more in a moment on how you might do it and how it might go - this is more about why you would pick that person rather than someone else.
Coming out: expectations and plans
Thinking of the person or people that you just identified: if you did come out to them, what are the different ways you could start it? For instance, what could you drop into the conversation like "I was at BiCon at the weekend"? Or if it's more about taking things to another level, what is it you want them to know, and what sort of conversation can you imagine having with them about that? And how do you imagine it would go?
Coming out: difference it could make
Thinking of the person or people that you just identified: Supposing it went as well as you can possibly imagine, what difference could you imagine that making to your life? How would your relationship with that person change, and can you think of any knock-on effects in other areas? for instance the effect of that on other people who know both of you, or how you might feel different yourself.
Opportunity to move groups, "with no disrespect implied to the people that you're with"
Activism: state of play
Coming out is a form of activism in itself, but now we're going to consider other kinds of activism.
You might be feeling an inspiration to do something new. There could be something specific you have in mind, or it could just be more of a general urge to get involved.
You might be feeling that you're doing too much currently or recently, and you want to scale back to the right level for you, so it's it in balance with the rest of your life.
You might be doing what's just the right amount for you at this point, but want to change direction and do more of one thing and less of another, or start something new.
What's your current state of play on the activism front? What's the right level for you? And if you were going to start something, stop something or change something, what might it be?
Activism: next move
If you have identified something to start, stop or change, what would be your first tiny move to get the process started? It could be to find something out, or ask someone to help you, or write something down.
Post-BiCon comedown: prediction
It's fairly common to feel a sense of "Post-BiCon comedown" a few days after BiCon as you start to miss the amazing environment here and remember how different it is out in the rest of the world.
Thinking about what you know about yourself, and thinking about any similar situations from your past, what's your sense of what's predictable for you? i.e. do you think something like that is likely to happen this year, and if so, what form would you predict it would take?
Post-BiCon comedown: what would help?
If you do have a big downer in a day or two, what do you know about how to take care of yourself in that state? What would help?
We closed with a quote from my quote collection:
... have a love affair with yourself. Treat yourself as you would treat a lover with whom you're passionately in love. Buy yourself flowers, make yourself delicious meals. Write to yourself about what makes you special, praising your special way of being, your accomplishments. Cherish time with yourself, luxuriating in your own company, doing just what you'd love to do. - Gabrielle Roth, 'Maps to ecstasy'
General opinion seemed to be that the session "hit the spot" for what you need on the last day - give or take some tweaking on the "coming out" section - and would be worth running again at future BiCons.
